“Do I need to tie you down little rabbit?”
“What?” I fought to catch my breath.
“My name is Nicole. Your wife, remember?”
Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck! “Oh God Nicole I…..” I was speechless.
What could I say to fix this?
My addiction may have just ruined my marriage.
I spoke first as I watched my wife slide what was left of her panties over her right ankle then off her foot. I needed her to say something. I needed her to scream at me or slap me. I needed her to do something, show me some type of emotion. I had screamed another woman’s name during sex for Christ sake!
For once I had no control over the situation and that scared the hell out of me. She wouldn’t look at me and hadn’t spoken a word. This was hands down the worst day of my fucking life. I couldn’t lose her. I could not lose my ray of sunshine, the only thing in my life that made me seem normal. She pressed the pedal on the trashcan and the lid flew up, tossing the scrap of lace into the bag lining the inside.
“Goodnight.” She went to leave the kitchen.
“What?” She stopped and her eyes met mine.
“I said goodnight Max.”
“We need to talk about this.”
“No… we don’t…You don’t want to talk to me right now.”
Finally something began to brew in her eyes, and like an idiot I was going to push for more. Just as she turned to leave I stopped her.
“I said we need to talk.” The Dom in me tossed the words out as a command. She turned back to me and a Nicole I never knew stared back at me.
“You two had a fight just minutes ago”, she spoke out. “It was an accident. Let it go Max.”
Just then she plastered a smile on her face that left me feeling uneasy. How the fuck did I not know how to react to my own wife. Nicole was always so happy, always smiling. She was my complete opposite that was one of the reasons I fell in love with her, but I didn’t know this Nicole.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I didn’t mean for you to see me like that.” I apologized.
It seemed like the right move to make. She snickered and began shaking her head. Her eyes never left mine and the snicker turned into a full out laugh, one that left me feeling even more uncomfortable.
“You’re such a fucking coward.” She spit out and her eyes filled with unshed tears.
“What?” I asked taken back with her tone.
“You didn’t mean for me YOUR WIFE, to see you like that? WHAT… is that side of you saved only for Olly! Huh?!… Is that why she gets the best of you and I’m left with a hollow shell of a man and vanilla sex?”
“Nicole.” I warned.
The demon inside of me stirred at the sound of her rebellion.
“NO!” She pointed at me as she took a step closer.
“You will let me speak. For once you will hear me god dammit!”
I clamped my mouth shut as her eyes began to blaze with a rage I had never seen.
“Do you think I’m an idiot? Do you think I’m some dumbass that doesn’t realize her husband and his “best friend” have been fucking right under my nose? I know!”
She stood right in front of me now her pointer finger stabbed into the center of my chest with each word that followed. “I… have… always… known.”
I tried to interrupt only to be cut off, earning two more stabs in the process.
“Why… Why did you even pick me that night? Why did you even propose if you were in love with Olly all along? I was never clingy, I never begged you for a ring. YOU wanted this! YOU chose ME! How can you say you love me and continue to fuck her through our relationship, our marriage, and my pregnancy?!”
She threw her hands up in disgust and walked over to the far wall.
“And she gets THAT part of you. The part you’ve been afraid for me to see, but didn’t mind bringing out the day of our daughter’s birthday party.”
I couldn’t mask the look of shock before she saw it. She knew. God, how much did she know? How long had she been watching.
“Oh God.” She laughed out. “You don’t honestly believe I didn’t see that, do you?” I only stared back in response.
Yes I honestly thought I was invincible that day. All my focus that day was on Olly’s surprise announcement of relocation. I never once thought to give my wife any attention. Now that I think about it, I didn’t help out much at all after Olly’s arrival.
The sting at my left cheek both shocked me and hurt like hell. I look down to see a look of shock on her face as well. How she got back across the room so quickly was lost on me.
“I’m not… Sorry.”
Her words said one thing, but the look of mortification on her face said another. Even she didn’t understand who she was right now. Clearly her anger was what controlled her actions right now.
Before she had a chance to fight it, I circled my arms around her and pulled her close. I held her there and felt the moment she surrendered to the tears she held in. Her body went limp as her shoulders began to shudder. I did this. I broke her. She gave her all in our marriage from day one, and I may never be able to get her back. Tears I didn’t know I held in begin to fall and I squeezed her tighter.
I could not lose her. “Oh God baby, I fucked up so bad.” I fought to catch my breath between my words. “I’m so sorry.”
I meant every single bit of it as her small frame continued to shake violently. Afraid to let go, I continued to hold her for as long as she would allow. I wish I could say it lasted all night, but minutes later she pushed against my embrace. I let her; afraid if I didn’t she’d try to slap me again. She stared at me, her eyes void of any warmth they held at breakfast this morning.
“It’s me or her Max. I’m done being second.”
Her words were ones I once prayed I would never have to hear. Ones that she had promised me she would never say just moments after I proposed to her. In her defense at the time of that promise she had no clue how much I needed Olly in my life. Even now she didn’t understand what she was asking.
“I am your wife. From now on I will be what you need.”
It was as if she had read my thoughts. She knew exactly what she was asking of me. Knew the effect it would have.
“Do you really have to think about it?” She asked in disbelief.
“What… No! I jus-“
“Fuck you Max.”
With that she stormed out of the kitchen. Thoughts of losing her and Sara came flooding in. Just thinking of another man touching my innocent Nicole was enough to bring me to my knees.
“OKAY!” I shouted just as she rounded the corner.
“I’ll let her go. It’s done… Just please don’t.” For the first time in my life I was submitting to someone else’s demands.
“If I can’t have all of you Max, I don’t want any of you. So you better be sure that THIS is what you want.”
Her voice came back around the corner, but she didn’t. I scrubbed my hands through my hair in silence. Life without Olly. Was that even possible for me?
It would have to be.
It would have to be.
A large hand palmed my left breast as I went to roll into a more comfortable position. I continued my roll and smiled as Dave pinched my nipple and groaned out in protest.
“Do I need to tie you down little rabbit?” His sleep filled voice came out rough and sexy as hell.
“Mm… Maybe.” I chuckled back.
He pulled me close until my naked breasts pressed snugly against his chest hair. The floor of the tattoo parlor wasn’t the most comfy place, but after three rounds of intense sex it felt way better than walking. Early signs of daylight began cozying up to the blinds, warning me that soon I would have to face reality.
Dave wasn’t reality.
“Stop thinking, you’re giving me a headache.”
I looked up to find him staring down at me. “I’m not, I ju-“
“There are two things that I can’t stand.” He interrupted. “The first one is a liar.”
He lifted his eyebrows as if asking me if I understood. I snapped my mouth shut.
Dave would be so damn easy to fall for. Of course I would meet him at the biggest turning point of my life, and just weeks before I moved halfway across the country.
“I should probably be going now.” I went to sit up and he squeezed me tighter into his chest.
“Home.” I answered, though I wasn’t really sure that was the truth. I knew at some point I would have to face Max.
“Are you sure? Because the second thing I hate is sharing. I was never good at it. As a child I threw fits when someone else played with my toys. ”
There was no mistaking the tone in his voice.
“I’m very sure, just as I am sure that I belong to no one.” It was my turn to lift my eyebrows and make sure that he understood.
Without notice he took my lips hard, growling and grinding against me in the process.
This I could do.
Sex was the one thing I could always commit to. A relationship with someone who wasn’t Max was something I felt I couldn’t… yet.
I kissed him back with the same amount of pressure he gave me. If this was going to be the last time I kissed him I may as well enjoy it. He pulled at my hair and my head began to swim. My body brought to life by the pain I craved.
I brought one leg across his center and pushed off the floor until I straddled his waist. I slid my slick wet folds back and forth over the underside of his now hard cock and watched as his face began to distort into ecstasy.
This I could do.