We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.
A love so new and different
We were like no other
The beauty never lost on me
So in the end I suffered
Fairies and flying horses
The colors all surreal
My shine began to fade
And you forgot to feel
A land of all my dreams
Faded into black
Traded like old money
My skin began to crack
Left without guidance
The horse is in danger
We can never go back
The fairies are now strangers
I want to forget you ever happened
That’s a lie.
I want to remember it
Bathe in it
Fuck through it
Until we both decide
We’ve had enough
I need to know
I still do it for you
That you’re so fucked up
You still want me
That in fucked up times
You think of me
And even miles apart
You still touch me
Art credit: http://spiritcatcher.deviantart.com
The need to be held
I was in lust
My skin would sing
Wrapped in your touch
A cello in the park
Peaks my interest
The smell of Tai food
Swedish lyrics in the distance
They tell me not to worry
It will all be alright
I was meant to walk alone
Roaming spots of street lights
Do you remember the time
When everyone faded?
The world was our playground
Then it all became jaded
I couldn’t look away.
His dark eyes had held me captive the moment I had walked into the party.
I could hear my rapid heart beat over the music outside and could feel my breathing slow as I finally found the guts to stare back at him.
Why was he doing this? It was so… wrong.
I watched the tip of his tongue peek out and trace his bottom lip just before his teeth sank into the tender piece of skin. For just a second the morals I’d been fighting for months to keep in place begin to slip.
Was it wrong that Kat’s fiancé had me glued to my seat while he fucked me with his eyes?
Was it wrong that I liked it and wished his teeth would sink into my neck just as they did his lip?
I wasn’t sure anymore.
He brought the clear glass he’d been holding up to his lips and time slowed. His eyes slid closed just as he finished off the dark liquid. He placed the glass onto the bar and his eyes found me again. They traveled down to the bare skin on my legs and at that moment I was happy I had chosen to wear a dress. If I were honest with myself I’d admit that he was the reason for my choice of attire for tonight, but lately I didn’t know myself at all.
For weeks I had avoided visiting Kat for one reason and one reason only.
I was attracted to Sebastian.
Her new fiancé had awakened every nerve in my body within seconds of meeting him and the attraction had grown stronger over the past three months. His dark eyes did things to my girly parts; things that I would rather not try to dissect while I was slightly inebriated.
For months Kat spoke about the mystery guy she’d met online. She had joined an online dating site at the beginning of the year to try something different. I would smile and nod, just happy that she was finally happy. Not once did I ask to see a picture or to read his profile. I usually zoned out into La La land with thoughts of the next project coming up. I honestly didn’t see the long distant relationship going anywhere. Six months after meeting they got engaged, he moved in and I was asked to be the Maid of Honor.
It was karma for my being such a shitty friend.
I squeezed my thighs together and shuttered. I was on my second and decidedly last glass of Fireball and Coke. I should have left the party after my first glass.
Because it was after the first glass that I felt his fingertips graze across the tops of my shoulders in passing. It was after the first glass that I noticed how quickly my body responded to his as he reached past me to grab a glass out of the cupboard. Maybe it was how long it took him to grab said glass and his breath finding my ear just before his zipper grazed my ass. It was at my second glass that I’d realized he was doing it all on purpose. That he had finally given up on the fight that I refused to surrender to.
Yep, I definitely should have stopped at one.
Ripping my eyes away from his, I decided it was definitely time to go. I stood slowly, testing my balance. It was better than I had expected. I took a step and wanted to jump for joy at how stabile it was. Once I found Kat and said my goodbyes I was out of here.
I went into the kitchen, rinsed my glass and sat it in the sink to dry. Turning I nearly ran into the subject I was running from.
“I…I was headed to find Kat. I’m gonna head out now.” My words came out rushed as I stared at his chest.
He took a step closer and I looked over my shoulder to find that most of the party had moved to the backyard and no one seemed to be interested in the man of the house standing so close to someone who wasn’t his fiancé.
“I’m really sorry to hear that.” I felt his gaze on my lips and for a moment I was sorry to hear it too.
He was standing so damn close and he smelled so damn good. In just half a step I would be close enough to taste his lips.
Ugh! I had to stop. This was only the fireball talking.
I watch the corner of his mouth curve up into a wicked grin.
Who the hell was I kidding?
With my need to taste him stronger than anything I had ever felt in my life. I cupped his face in my hands, pulling his lips down to mine. I silently prayed he would fight it, push me away and order me out of his new home. Instead he growled pulling me closer and slamming my lower back into the granite of the countertop.
“It’s about damn time.” He growled out as he tip of his tongue slid past my lips and I sucked it in the rest of the way, wanting to swallow him whole. I let my fingers run up his neck and pull his hair at his nape. He groaned loudly at the pinch of pain I’d provided. For months we’d fought something neither of us understood. For months we tried to ignore…this thing.
“Yessss…” I hissed out as he nibbled at my bottom lip. The pinch of pain he provided in return brought me back to the present.
Holy shit! What were we doing?!
I pushed at his chest and he immediately took a step back. We stared at each other trying to catch our breath.
Was I really so far gone that I had lost all common sense? This was a party!
We were standing in the middle of the kitchen. At any moment someone could have walked in to grab another drink, or one of the several finger foods on the table across the room. My cherry bomb lipstick marked his lips and had smeared near his cheek. He looked possessed as his nostrils flared fighting for air.
Had I done that?
Could I really have that effect on another human being? Why did I care? This was Kat’s fiancé!
“I really should go now.”
I pushed past him and ran-walked towards the bathroom to straighten my lipstick before finding Kat and getting the hell out of there.
In the bathroom I stared into the mirror.
I looked like a clown.
I couldn’t approach Kat looking like this. She would know. Kat always knew!
I grabbed a handful of napkins and tried my best to clean up without ruining my foundation.
Just as I went to check the cabinets for face wash I heard the door open and immediately began to freak out. I couldn’t let anyone see me this way!
“Someone’s in here!” I yelled over my shoulder to stop whoever tried to enter.
To say I nearly came at the sound of his voice would be an understatement. I was so close to the edge that a light breezy would push me right over.
I turned to face Sebastian just as I heard the silent thud of the door closing behind him.
He held up his hands as if surrendering, “I’m only here to say I’m sorry. I swear. That shouldn’t have happened.”
“I know.” I agreed.
It was all I could get out. In a short amount of time he had cleaned my mark from his face, and I found myself instantly disappointed. It took me several seconds to realize we were still standing there staring at each other, and several seconds after that I became extremely aware of how small the bathroom was.
I finally spoke. “I need to clean up.”
“Um, Yeah.” I watched a look of confusion fall over his face. His hand reached back to the knob, but he hadn’t moved to turn away. He just….stood there.
My heart stopped when I heard the lock turn.
“Sebastian.” I tried to warn him, but it came out more as a plea. I had not an ounce of fight left in me.
“I can’t stop wanting you.” He finally spoke.
“Don’t say that.” I gasped out in shock.
“I can’t help it…but….you know that feeling don’t you?”
I took a step back and shook my head. Yes, I did know that feeling. No, I wouldn’t say it out loud. That would make this all too real.
“I’ve wanted you from the moment I met you. Do you know how hard that is to live with?” He asked.
I held one palm out as I had the strength or magic powers to stop him. I didn’t need to hear this. I didn’t want to hear this. I just needed to get to my car. I no longer cared to find Kat.
“Stacy.” He challenged.
‘I-“ I had no answer.
He took a step towards me, and I took a step back. He took another, and I did the same until the back of my heels hit the bathtub.
His final step left us standing face-to-face, chest-to-chest and breath-to-breath.
“No.” I refused and at the same time denied myself what I’d wanted for months.
He placed his large palms on my shoulders and turned us both until my back was against the wall. “Kiss…..me.”
“I’m can’t..” His eyes willed me to follow his command. I broke eye contact and tried to regroup.
“Okay, we’ll play it your way. I won’t force you to kiss me Stace.” He spoke as he fell to his knees in front of me. His hands slid up my thighs and below the hem of my dress.
“What are you doing?!” I pushed frantically at the hem as it began to rise.
“Wha-” His lips against the front of my silk thong left me unmoving. I heard him inhale loudly as his teeth bit at the thin fabric. This was so wrong, but-.
His tongue slid past the fabric and made contact with my freshly waxed lips.
“Oh god.” I moaned out.
My body had instantly begun to betray me. I allowed my head to fall back and instantly forgot everything that was wrong with what we were doing. His fingers slid to the waistband of my thong and with one hard tug the fabric gave way, leaving me bare and fully exposed to his tongues assault.
He groaned as his entire mouth covered my center and his tongue found my folds as if seeking the treasure hidden inside. Slowly my betraying hips began to rock back and forth into him.
I brought my right leg up and over his shoulder, opening myself wider for him and his…kiss.
This was by far the best kiss I had ever received. I inhaled deeply; squeezing my eyes shut as I felt the tension from the past few months begin to melt into the damp heat of his mouth. His fingers squeezed and dug into my ass as he tried to pull me closer for more.
Tap! Tap! Tap!
“Anyone in there?!”
I froze at the sound of Kat’s voice on the other side of the door, and then clamped my lips shut. I moved to push Sebastian away and he didn’t budge. I felt one of his long fingers slide into me and I gasped.
“Hello!” The doorknob jiggled. “Who’s in there?”
His tongue teased my clit as she knocked again.
“You better speak up.” He whispered against my mound then sucked my clit in between his lips.
“Me!” I shouted louder than necessary. “It’s me Kat.”
“Stace? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, just had one too many fireballs.” I squeezed my mouth shut as I started to rock against Sebastian’s lips once again.
The rush of knowing Kat stood just outside the door while her fiancé kneeled before me quickly became intoxicating. I pulled at his hair forcing him closer.
“Do you need me to get you anything?” She asked like a good friend would.
“Noooooooo….” I moaned out as my orgasm began rolling in. “I’ll…be….oooo…ookay.”
I rocked harder into the quick thrusts of his tongue and tried my hardest not give us away.
“Okay hon, If you need me I’ll be right out back.” She said.
“Okaaa..y” I responded at the peak of my climax.
I heard her footsteps fade just as Sebastian stood before me.
I began to protest. “That should not h-“
He cut me off as his lips hit mine hard and he crowded me into the wall. I could taste myself on his lips. With my hands in his hair I tried to pull him closer. I wanted to crawl into him. His hands were all over the place and I felt him pull my dress higher.
His lips lit a trail of fire from my lips, over my chin and down my neck.
“My belt.” His command came out hot against my skin.
I did as I was told, to far-gone to stop now. I made quick work of his belt and his pants, pushing them down as fast as I could. He pulled my leg over his hip and in one hard quick thrust our loud groans echoed against the walls in the small bathroom.
It was as if we both knew that neither of us would be backing out at this point. I hadn’t bothered to ask about a condom and he hadn’t bothered to ask if I was on the pill.
It was pure madness.
He bit at my neck as he continued his thrusts. There was nothing slow about what we were doing. This could never be mistaken for “making love”.
“More pleassse.” I begged against his lips.
“Fuck!” He growled out as he pulled both my legs over his hips and drove me against the wall over and over.
For months and months we’d dodged each other like the plague and now we both knew why.
I closed my eyes and let my head fall back against the wall, wanting to savor this moment. As if sensing my thoughts Sebastian slowed his thrust. I felt his tongue slide up the column of my neck just before he tugged at my bottom lip with his teeth.
“You feel incredible.” He whispered.
I chose not to respond. I was on the brink of tears knowing we had fucked up royally.
His lips grazed my ear. “Will you kiss me now?”
That I could do.
I met his lips with mine and kissed him with everything I had. His thrust sped up and our eyes met.
“So fucking beautiful.”
I felt a single tear roll down my right cheek as I came apart in his arms. My orgasm ripping through me more intense than any I’ve had before. He covered my lips just as the moan I’d been fighting back escaped them. His arms wrapped around me and he squeezed tightly as he came. Over and over he pumped as he drained everything he had deep within me.
“Fuck, baby.” He whispered against my lips as his thrusts became shallower.
I held on to his neck tightly knowing I had maxed out all my tickets on this ride. He guided my legs slowly down over his hips. Our heavy breathing filled the bathroom as I found my footing on wobbly legs.
“I’m not sorry.” He said after several minutes. His serious expression told me it was the truth.
“Sebastian, I-” I had nothing. What was there to say? I had fucked my best friends fiancé. She would never forgive me and after tonight, he’d see me as easy.
“Don’t..” He interrupted my thoughts. “We’ve tried to avoid this for months. This was going to happen Stace, and I don’t regret it one bit.”
His lips were back, but this time much more gentle then they had been before. He cupped my face and took his time nibbling and tracing my lips with his tongue. He slowed and rested his forehead against mine.
When I was finally able to form a sentence, I could tell it wasn’t one he wanted to hear. “Sebastian, I have to go now.”
His eyes met mine with a frown. “Do you regret this?”
I shook my head. “No.”
My answer was the reason I needed to go. What we did was wrong, and I should have regretted every bit of it.
But I didn’t.
“I only regret that it can never happen again.”
I pushed at his chest gently and was grateful that he didn’t fight it. I left him there in the bathroom and rushed to my car as quickly as possible. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Reality came rushing in as I turned onto the main road and away from the street that Kat lived on.
I was in love with Sebastian.